Budgeting for Couples to Hit Big Financial Goals

In a perfect world, couples would see eye-to-eye on all money matters and work in perfect harmony on everything from their budgets to financial goals. But reality can paint a different picture.

According to Fidelity's 2024 Couples and Money study, 1 in 4 couples say money is their biggest relationship challenge, and nearly half (45%) say they fight over money at least occasionally.

While it's no surprise that being on the same page financially strengthens relationships and builds a foundation for a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship, it can be harder said than done. Working in tandem on a money management plan can be an arduous affair.

Here, we'll go over how budgeting for couples is a cornerstone for financial success and how couples can build a budget that's in line with their strengths and values:

Why Budgeting Together Is Key for Financial Success

There are many reasons why the early months of the year can be an ideal time to focus on joint budgeting. For example, with fresh eyes and a holiday respite, you can reflect on what's working, what's not, and how you'd like to manage your money as a team.

It can also be a time to explore money management tools or a new budgeting method you've been wanting to try. The new year is also a good time to factor in anticipated economic shifts, such as an increase in food costs, and changes to your life that can impact your budget, such as moving to a new city or growing your family.

No matter what the money topic of the day is, when it comes to managing finances, it's important to communicate and collaborate on your budgeting methods and processes and on your short- and long-term goals.

Steps to Build a Budget Together

Without a budget, making steady headway on your financial goals is hard. That's because you don't have a roadmap to see where your money is going and to create a plan based on your cash flow.

Discuss Financial Values

Interestingly, while you might choose someone who shares the same musical tastes and political viewpoints as you, opposites attract when it comes to money mindsets. In other words, according to some research, spendthrifts tend to gravitate toward tightwads and vice versa in romantic partnerships.

Plus, there's a lot to unpack when it comes to understanding your partner's financial values, goals, and money stories. Their behaviors and beliefs can be attributed to trauma inherited from their ancestors, systemic inequality, and their own experiences around money.

Taking the time and effort to figure out your partner's financial patterns and beliefs is an ongoing process—there's always more to learn. However, deepening your understanding lays the groundwork for success.

You can start by discussing your vision for a shared life together. What do you want to ultimately build as a couple? What do you enjoy and value the most? What do you think is most challenging financially when it comes to budgeting? From there, you can develop a greater understanding of your respective values.

Set Joint and Individual Financial Goals

Once you've started developing a deeper understanding of each other's money narratives and financial values, you might feel more comfortable exploring the pragmatic aspect of finances, which includes setting both individual and shared goals.

It's helpful to break it down into three main camps: short-, medium-, and long-term money goals.

Short-term goals. For example, a short-term money goal might be to pay off a credit card debt within the next six months, stash cash for an emergency fund, or save for a vacation or a new laptop.

Medium-term goals. A medium-term goal could be saving for your children's college education, going back to school, buying a car, or starting a small business.

Long-term goals. Long-term goals include saving for retirement or paying off a mortgage or student loan debt.

With so many different financial goals to juggle, where do you begin? You can start with the goals that can help you the most or most important to you. For example, rebuilding savings after a spendy holiday season can help avoid digging a deeper debt hole.

Calculate Combined Income and Expenses

You can create a budget by tracking income and necessary expenses to align your financial goals with an actionable plan. While budgeting apps can get you started, you'll likely have a more complete picture of your budget by tracking your combined income and expenses.

When figuring out your expenses, you'll want to include ongoing monthly expenses, anticipated one-off expenses, and semi-annual and annual expenses (e.g., insurance premiums, car registration fees).

Another factor is expenses that might fluctuate throughout the year. For example, fluctuating energy costs can spike during the warmer and cooler months.

There are also more expensive seasons, such as summer, when the kids are out of school and it's a popular time to go on vacation or during the holidays. It's never too early to work on a holiday budget!

For times of the year when energy costs tend to be high, consider cutting back in other ways. See if you can bring down the costs of recurring monthly expenses. Home internet and insurance premiums are good places to start.

Remember: It's not about deprivation. Think about what expenses are "neutral". In other words, spending money on these things doesn't make you happy or joyful. See if there are ways you can lower these costs so don't feel a sting.

Or, if you are able to, see if there are any ways you can boost your income. For instance, consider taking on a side hustle or drumming up a plan for a passive income stream. Or, see if there are opportunities to earn overtime or be considered for a raise or promotion at your current job.

You'll also want to consider rising living expenses. If you anticipate these increases, you'll want to make room for them by either lowering your costs or ramping up your income.

Agree on a Budgeting Method

There's no one-size-fits-all regarding spending and saving styles, and there's no single way to budget. Over time, you'll probably land on a budgeting method that works for you and your partner. But to start, here are some popular budgeting styles:

- 50/30/20 method: The 50/30/20 method divides your spending into three main categories: spending: 50% on needs, 30% on your wants, and 20% on your savings. These are general parameters, and you can tweak them to better reflect your spending needs and preferences.

- 80/20 rule: The 80/20 rule is when 80% of your take-home pay goes toward expenses, and the remaining 20% goes toward savings. This might be a good place to start if you have fairly steady, predictable cash flow and want to begin with a simple approach.

- Zero-sum budget: In a zero-sum budget, each dollar gets assigned a job. Many budgeting apps are based on this model, and it is probably best if you prefer to create spending categories.

In addition to a budgeting method, you and your partner should decide whether to have joint bank accounts, separate bank accounts, or both. For example, if you prefer 100% transparency, you might want to create shared bank accounts. If you prioritize autonomy, you might want to keep individual accounts.

Or if you prefer to have a joint account for shared goals and separate bank accounts for your own discretionary spending, then having both types might be your preferred method.

Review and Adjust Regularly

Because you're evolving as individuals and in the relationship, it's important to check in regularly to discuss money. Consider setting aside time each week or month for a "money date," where you can discuss your financial priorities.

Money dates also give you a chance to adapt to unexpected changes, such as economic shifts or new opportunities, review what's working and what isn't working, and make adjustments.

These money dates can serve as a safe space for you to openly air your concerns, hopes, and dreams.

How to Handle Financial Conflicts

Even with a budget in place, disagreements about your spending and saving priorities are bound to happen. Or maybe an expected financial event or expense might pop up. Or perhaps you need to suss out in greater detail how to navigate debt in the relationship.

Either way, it's best to spend time navigating any potential bumps in the road. You can carve out time to work through your differences. Remember: It's a process, and issues may arise from time to time.

It's best not to avoid conflict. Sure, it can feel easier and less uncomfortable to play the avoidance game. But whatever doesn't get addressed only festers. Rather, work through the conflict. There's beauty in conflict, which is to reveal your boundaries, and priorities. Plus, it can help you reach a deeper understanding of each other and strengthen the relationship—and foster personal growth.

If you reach a workable arrangement that both partners are happy with, you can accommodate your different money styles and beliefs about The Mighty Dollar.

Build Your Dream Life Together, One Budget at a Time

Budgeting for couples requires a lot of hard work, no doubt. But when things feel tedious or arduous, it's important to remember that budgeting isn't just about money. It's about fostering trust, revealing your vulnerabilities, and teamwork.

Make 2025 your year to align your finances with your values, hopes, dreams, and shared vision for what is possible in the relationship. Ultimately, you'll deepen your bond and be closer to being united and working toward building a life together.

Check out Self.inc's arsenal of tools and resources for building positive money habits. More tips and resources can be found on the Self blog and Self YouTube channel.

About the author

A personal finance writer for over 8 years, Jackie Lam covers money management, lending, insurance, investing, and banking, and personal stories. An AFC® accredited financial coach, she is passionate about helping freelance creatives design money systems on irregular income, gain greater awareness of their money narratives, and overcome mental and emotional blocks.

Her work has appeared in publications such as Bankrate, Time's NextAdvisor, CNET, Forbes, Salon.com, and BuzzFeed. She is the 2022 recipient of Money Management International's Financial Literacy and Education in Communities (FLEC) Award, and a two-time Plutus Awards nominee for Best Freelancer in Personal Finance Media. She lives in Los Angeles where she spends her free time swimming, drumming, and daydreaming about stickers.

Editorial policy

Our goal at Self is to provide readers with current and unbiased information on credit, financial health, and related topics. This content is based on research and other related articles from trusted sources. All content at Self is written by experienced contributors in the finance industry and reviewed by an accredited person(s).